How to Stop Anxiety
If you focus on scary “What if…” thoughts too long – you will set anxiety in motion. Once it starts firing, it can seem to have a life of its own.
Last night I met a 4 year old, Benny, on my evening walk. “Are you going to school soon?” I asked.
He rolled the bottom of his tee shirt up as he explained, “I am nervous to go to school”. It was palpable.
“What are you thinking about school that is making you nervous?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied.
(Asking him to become aware of his thoughts created an opening–a minute for him to explore and find more.)
“What if you meet a really nice new friend there…and your teacher is really nice?” I asked.
He contemplated the scene. “Do they have toys at school?”
“Yes, they have toys at school.”
“I want to go to school!” he exclaimed.
Benny will benefit from “exercising” his new focus – imagining more magical ‘what if…’ thoughts about the new adventures ahead of him. Soon they will be his strongest thoughts and fuel excitement instead of anxiety.
We cannot control our feelings but we can control our focus and our imagination.
Here are five steps to shift out of anxiety:
1. Become aware of the thoughts that are causing it and accept them.
(They might not be rational thoughts, but they are normal. They just indicate you care about something and you haven’t found the solution or the clear desire within you- and in the world- yet.)
2. Steer your focus.
Bring out a magical ‘What if…?’. Your desires are not found in your mind, but within you – in your heart and soul. A magical ‘What if…?’ will help you steer your focus to helpful, good-feeling thoughts– and dwell there.
3. Breathe and let the good, grounded feelings that come from focusing on your desires move through your body.
4. Define one step forward and take it.
You now know what you want. What is one doable step forward you can take today? By taking it, you will transform the powerful potential energy of anxiety into the kinetic energy of action.
5. Practice this and give it time.
Your focus has momentum and change takes time.